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Prioritizing Family

Prioritizing with Family
Congratulations on your new engagement! Prioritizing family as a new bride-to-be can be stressful since you have a lot of decisions to make in the near future. Welcome to the exciting, fast-paced, chaotic, and busy world of wedding planning. Time is of the essence when it comes to planning a wedding and as cliché as it sounds, the early bird truly gets the worm.
First thing is first. You must decide what kind of wedding you and your significant other want. Is prioritizing family something you both agree is important? Do you have kids from previous marriages? The best way to gauge this is not only a discussion with your fiancé, but it is also helpful to include either set of parents – that is if they are involved or you want them to be involved. Determining the type of wedding you desire will play into everything else for your big day. Is a Sunday afternoon backyard BBQ or a Saturday evening country club wedding more the style you imagine?
Eating pulled pork sandwiches with red and white checkered table clothes lining picnic tables and Chinese lanterns glowing above your or golf course views in a giant ballroom illuminated by canned lights in your wedding color palette. So many choices…so little time.
As you can see, there is a pretty vast difference between the two soirees mentioned above. A backyard BBQ could quite easily cost less than $5,000 while a country club wedding may as well have another zero added to the earlier figure. Perhaps as much as $50,000. Aside from budget, which is a topic for another day, there are four major decisions that must fall to the top of your priority list. These four are the most crucial aspects to discuss at your family meeting include the following:
– Ceremony location
– Reception location (this may be the same location as above)
– Photographer
– Music
To secure these four, possibly two areas/vendors, you need to have a date in mind. Will you have your event during high wedding season (i.e. May through October) or off-season (i.e. New Year’s Eve bash)? These are all things to consider and should be some of the first decisions made. Prioritizing family in all these decisions can be easy if both sides of the family are willing to do whatever it takes for you both to have a great wedding day. If not, just remember that this both of your days and you can do things that make you comfortable, not the other way around.

Family trouble

Family Trouble

 

Family trouble can pop up in any wedding situation when two people decide to merge their families and traditions. With the holidays coming up we will address some ways to cope. There are always two sides of the situation. Perhaps your fiancé’s family you are the problem.  Maybe they view you as not ambitious enough, or domestic, or whatever. However, their son chose YOU. And, they will be stuck with YOU for the rest of their lives as well. It might not be an ideal situation but family trouble can fade over time.

You might not know the reasons why they are not fond of you, but you can definitely feel the tension and uneasiness when you are around. They may bring up your fiance’s former girlfriend (a lot) in your presence or ignore you at family functions. The good news is that you can try and work through that – you will be around for a lifetime. Hopefully they will be welcoming you with open arms and not folded ones. Some ways to get in your this “person’s” good graces is to always be graceful, appropriate and the bigger person. This is hard but in the long run it can save your marriage.
Maybe his parents take shots at you. You know, little digs, here and there. Which, is not cool, but rise above that nonsense! Never stoop to the level of immaturity that they might. Take the high road if possible. Do nice things for them. Whether it’s take them to lunch, send a hand written note (just because) or to thank them fora gift, gesture, or whatever…they will take notice. And if they don’t, that’s their prerogative and you’ll still be the classy person.
If you feel comfortable enough doing so ask them to meet with you sans your fiancé. Ask them why your relationship is not as close as you would it to be, and if there is anything you can do to win their approval. Sometimes putting them on the spot will immediately solve the situation.Other times they may be obstinate and your fiancé may have to step in to say something. But, first thing is first, show them you aren’t afraid of them, you love their son, and you want to make this work.
It might not be overnight, but family trouble is a common thing in marriages. Most of the time it can be solved with simple communication and understanding. Hopefully, they will come to their senses and love you as much as your significant other does. There is a reason why you two are getting hitched- they should realize that!

Unsupportive Families

Unsupportive Families Part I
Thanksgiving is right around the corner so now’s the time to address unsupportive families. Your parents don’t approve of your fiancé. We’re not just saying boyfriend, but fiancé. It’s crunch time before the wedding and plans are in motion…yet, Mom and Dad aren’t big fans of Mr. Right.
So, how do you deal with unsupportive families? Does this affect your decision to move forward with a marriage? Basically, do you choose your man over your family? Perhaps, they think he could be a snazzier dresser or have a better haircut. Maybe they’re not crazy about his family,his paycheck, his car. Or maybe they fell in love with the navy officer you dated in college and feel no one else will ever compare. Whatever the reason, and despite how happy you are to be engaged, your parents have yet to embrace their future son-in-law (though at this point, you’d settle for an acknowledgment of his existence). In this situation, the hardest part of planning your wedding may be the one thing you can’t control: your parents.
1) Be Up Front
Tell your parents that you would like them to be part of our day, but that their involvement is their choice. A decision to respond in a proactive-rather than reactive-way to your parents help keep things in perspective.
2) Keep Your Chin Up
A positive attitude will be your best defense against your parents’ snide comments or chilly indifference. Before these things make an ugly dent in your earnest enthusiasm, develop a motto with the staying power to get you through. Repeating a mantra, something that keeps you calm and focused, can be the quickest way back to sanity. Unfortunately, when you are an adult, your parent’s don’t always know what is best for you. You do. Live your life and hopefully your parents will be proven wrong about your “big mistake” on marrying Mr. Not Good Enough. Unsupportive families can sometimes come around when they see how good it is for you.