How to Keep the Peace
You’ve all seen it: The drama that unfolds when brides select their bridesmaids and someone feels left out. In some cases, this kills lifelong friendships. In others, all it takes is a small explanation. I think most people are upset because picking bridesmaids says something about the quality of your relationship with that person. Since the wedding is such an important day, the people you pick understand how much you mean to them. Friends often feel that if they are asked to be in someone’s wedding, they must return the favor and extend the invitation. This may not always be the case. So here are a few tips for helping you keep the peace with bridesmaids and friends.
Remember: It’s YOUR Day
Sounds silly, I know, but at the end of the day this is YOUR wedding. It’s not your parents’. It’s not your best friend’s. It’s not your sister’s. It’s yours. So with that comes some responsibilities, but also an enormous amount of privilege. This is your day and you make the rules. You only want two bridesmaids? Then do it. You can’t build your wedding based on what everyone else expects or wants.
Simple concept, but you would be surprised how many people struggle with it. Most of the time the dishonesty comes about from fear of hurting someone’s feelings. More ugliness typically results from people failing to just be honest. Let’s say you have a friend who asked you to be in her wedding and you obliged. Now it’s your turn, but you don’t want that friend in your wedding, because you’d like to keep your party small. Rather than doing something silly like trying to “include them without including them,” speak to them in person and explain yourself clearly. A good friend will usually understand.
Just because you didn’t invite the person to be in your wedding party, doesn’t mean you can’t involve them in all the other activities. You could even let them plan or host a bridal shower or party. This is a much better alternative than giving them the title of “House Party” or “Honorary Attendant” when they don’t actually do anything. If you keep constant contact with the person and continue to let them know they are important to you, the fact that they aren’t in your wedding will be easily forgotten.