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Avoiding Conflict

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Your wedding day is supposed to be magical and special, full of love and joy, but all too often, drama creeps in and conflict abounds. Here’s a few easy ways to avoid conflict on some hot-button issues.

How to avoid conflict…

When choosing bridesmaids: Whether you agree or not, there are probably a few people in your life who will naturally assume they’re going to be a part of your wedding party. Ultimately, this decision is up to you and you should never feel bullied into including someone in your wedding. Adding additional bridesmaids or groomsmen adds more stress (in keeping track of everyone), more expense (in the cost of gifts and rehearsal dinner), and, well, more people to the day. However, if you’re fearful that excluding someone will cause more trouble than it’s worth, there’s no hard and fast rule on the number of bridesmaids you can have. Or, simply ask that person to serve in another way, such as a program attendant, scripture reader, or honorary bridesmaid.

When determining the guest list: Narrowing down your wedding guest list can be tricky business, especially when you’re working hard to include friends, family, co-workers, and guests of your parents and future in-laws, but if you’re working within a budget, most likely, trimming the guest list is an absolute necessity. To avoid drama, allot a certain number of invites for your parents and in-laws. Then, sit down with your fiancé and begin categorizing your potential guests into lists based on importance and closeness. Worse case scenario, send out a first round of invites, wait for RSVPs, and then follow up with a second round of invites to less-close acquaintances.

When deciding whether or not to invite children: Choosing to host an adults-only affair, especially for your reception, is completely legitimate, but before you make the decision, think long and hard about the implications. If you have close relationships with a lot of children (i.e. nieces, nephews, cousins, friends with young kids), it might be hurtful to exclude them from your day. However, if you’re worried about your beautiful reception turning into a scene from Chuck E. Cheese, don’t back down on your stance about keeping the guest list to 18 and over. Instead of including the words “adults only” on your invitations, simply be sure to write only the names of invited guests on the envelopes (i.e. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, as opposed to the Smith family). If you notice that a family RSVPs for more guests than you included, simply call them and explain that the affair is strictly for adults.

When trying to involve your fiancé in the planning: Men often take a backseat when it comes to wedding planning for a number of reasons. Maybe they don’t care about floral arrangements, maybe they’re at a loss for what to do, or maybe they simply don’t realize you need or desire their help. Whatever the case, if you’d like your groom to get more involved in the wedding plans, simply explain to him how much you’d like his help. More importantly, give him specific tasks that he can coordinate, such as planning the honeymoon, choosing the playlist for the reception, or overseeing the food selection for the rehearsal dinner or reception.

Wedding Planning Conflict – Keeping The Peace

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Keeping the Peace Between Bride and Groom

Your wedding day is supposed to be about love, unity, and togetherness, but often the planning process can result in blowouts of epic proportions between the bride and groom. Here are a few practical tips to help keep the peace if…

The Groom is Uninvolved: Many feuds come as a result of a groom’s general lack of interest in all things wedding-related. If your partner is unenthusiastic about the wedding planning, try to cut him a little slack. He’s a guy. His indifference about the wedding planning doesn’t mean he isn’t thrilled to be marrying you; it means he isn’t thrilled about flowers, favors, and centerpieces. To get him more involved, try to assign him tasks that might excite him like selecting the food for the rehearsal dinner, planning the honeymoon, creating a reception playlist, or choosing the cocktails for your guests. It’ll remove some of the stress from your plate while also getting him actively involved in something of interest to him.

The Groom is Too Involved: Every now and then, a groom comes along who wants to be actively involved in every detail and decision of the wedding planning process. This can result in a number of fights and frustrations. If your guy is overly involved, try to establish some boundaries. Have a sit-down discussion about the wedding details and allow him to take responsibility for the areas that are of utmost importance to him, keeping responsibility for the details most important to you. Whenever possible, try to schedule meetings together, but discuss your ideas beforehand so you can be prepared with a general understanding about what you both want.

The Groom is Freaking Out About the Bill: Money and budgeting is one of the biggest causes of stress in the planning of any wedding, especially if you and the groom are responsible for much or all of the bill. To avoid a financial fracas, it’s imperative that you establish a wedding budget together. If you can’t afford the lavish wedding of your dreams, figure out areas where you can cut corners and save costs so that you can splurge on details that are more important. Keep detailed records of your costs as you go and set aside money ahead of time for unexpected expenses that may arise throughout the planning process. This wedding budget tracker may help.

The Groom Has Very Different Tastes: If you’re having a hard time seeing eye-to-eye with your groom on the wedding details, theme, or style, it can put a serious crimp in the planning. Although you may be tempted to scoff at his idea of a Star Wars-inspired rehearsal dinner and cut him out of the planning altogether, remember that this day is just as much about him as you. The wedding is meant to be a reflection and celebration of your relationship and unique personalities. The best way to avoid conflicts about differing tastes is to compromise. Walk through the major wedding details together and come to an agreement on ways to incorporate both of your ideas and identities.

The Groom Wants to Invite His Third Cousin’s Neighbor’s Girlfriend: Narrowing down the wedding guest list can be a daunting task for any couple and it can certainly add stress to the wedding, especially when you’re trying to stay in the confines of a predetermined budget. If the guest list is getting out of hand, talk it over with your partner and decide on a reasonable number for each of you to invite. If there are still others you’re hoping to invite, consider creating an A-list (non-negotiable guests) and a B-list (friends, colleagues, and distant relatives that you’d like to invite). As guests from the A-list start to RSVP, send out additional invitations for every person who sends their regrets. If you still can’t cut down the guest list, consider holding the wedding at a larger venue or offering hors d’oeuvres and cocktails instead of dinner to save money.

All in all, wedding planning conflicts can be avoided by open and honest communication. Planning your nuptials together can be great preparation for the challenges of marriage that lie ahead. Learn to clearly communicate your feelings, needs, and desires in a way that isn’t aggressive, confrontational, or mean-spirited. Remind yourself (over and over, if necessary) that your wedding day is about celebrating your love and relationship. If you stay focused on the true purpose of the day, you’ll be less likely to be swept into the stress of insignificant details. And if all else fails, hire a wedding planner to eliminate the stress altogether!