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Three Wedding Planning Conflicts And How To Handle Them

Three Wedding Planning Conflicts And How To Handle Them

You went from dating to engaged, excitement ensued. Now the engagement bliss is fading. This means it is time to get wedding planning. Let us prepare you: while wedding planning is fun, there are many emotions, traditions, and people’s opinions involved. These things can complicate not only your wedding planning, but also your relationship. Here are three examples of wedding planning conflicts and how to handle them with a problem solving guide.

1. Your parents or in-laws have a different wedding vision than you do.

Most of the time, your loved ones mean well. Let’s assume that for the purpose of this section.

  • First things first: handle your own family, let your fiance handle theirs. If your parents want a large wedding and you don’t, explain to them you appreciate all they want to give you, however you and your fiance are only comfortable with a smaller wedding. If your in-laws have the differing opinion, your fiance should explain on behalf of both of you how you feel, what you are going to do, and why. This will set a healthy boundary between in-laws and your relationship. Here is more advice on family communication .
  • Second things second: Give your family space and/or time for them to understand your vision. They probably envisioned the kind of wedding they’ve wanted to give you your entire life. They have seen your grow up. This is a sentimental time for them. Maybe they still can’t believe you don’t want a glamorous fairytale wedding as you loved in your storybooks. They will need some time to slow down and refocus on what you actually want. Here is more advice on narrowing down the size of your wedding .

2. Drama over who, or who is not, in your bridal party.

Here we go, from movies on TV to fiction books there are numerous stories based around these wedding planning conflicts alone. There are so many emotions built into a wedding day. Your loved ones want to be there for you, but maybe you envisioned a small or no bridal party. Maybe your family wants you to include your sixth cousin, twice removed. Let’s talk out some scenarios.

  • First things first: Think of those people who have always been there for you and always will. Sometimes friends fall away, but family never will. Unfortunately sometimes it’s the opposite. Either scenario, think long and hard about those permanent, loving people in your life and include them. That being said, “loose lips sink ships.” Before you are absolutely sure who is going to be in your wedding do not talk about it to avoid unnecessary hurt feelings.
  • Second things second: Think long term. A wedding is one day in your life. The situations and their effect on your relationships, both good and bad, will continue long after your wedding. When considering who or whom not to have in your wedding think about the long term effects that choice could have on your relationships. Is it a good idea to include one friends instead of a pair of two because you have a large family? Or would it be better to only have family in your wedding to not hurt that one friend’s feelings? Every situation is different, but remember this is one day. Make the choice that will have the best results to continue happy, healthy relationships moving forward. Here is more advice if you want a small wedding party.
  • Third things third: (Because this is a big topic) Every situation is different. These ideas are simply prompts to help you think through your options. Some couples are in the middle of a very difficult family dynamic. Because this is unfortunately common, let us let you off the hook, trust your gut! This should be the happiest day of your life. Do not allow people who want to manipulate or harm you, or your relationship, into your wedding or life simply because it’s easier to placate them.

3. Friends or family don’t like my (fill in the blank).

Everyone has opinions. That does not mean you need to change yours because of them. If you want to wear an orange dress on your wedding day, you rock that like the queen or king you are! Everyone can choose to wear what they want when it is their turn to plan their wedding. The same rule applies for if they don’t like your: food choices, hair style, fiance, church vs. outdoor ceremony, and even riding in on an elephant instead of a horse. All jokes aside, if no one is put in danger by your choices, it’s your day! Wear, do, eat what you want, and enjoy!

  • First things first: Remember often people’s opinions are said to you with good intentions. Maybe they wish they would’ve worn a more traditional wedding dress and don’t want you to have the same regrets.  It is possible to acknowledge their good intentions while also staying true to yours. Many wedding planning conflicts can be solved with saying, “Thank you for looking out for me, but I prefer a different direction.”
  • Second things second: Don’t ask for opinions if you don’t want them! Too many opinions will lead to definite confusion. If you want someone’s opinion on your dress, wedding colors, or kind of animal you ride into the sunset on; choose them wisely. Not everyone has the same taste. Ask someone whose tastes are similar to yours so you can be confident your wedding day stays true to your vision.



We hope this wedding planning conflicts problem solving guide helps you have a seamless wedding planning process. For more expert wedding planning advice, check out the other blog posts on The Chicago Wedding Blog. 

Family trouble

Family Trouble

 

Family trouble can pop up in any wedding situation when two people decide to merge their families and traditions. With the holidays coming up we will address some ways to cope. There are always two sides of the situation. Perhaps your fiancé’s family you are the problem.  Maybe they view you as not ambitious enough, or domestic, or whatever. However, their son chose YOU. And, they will be stuck with YOU for the rest of their lives as well. It might not be an ideal situation but family trouble can fade over time.

You might not know the reasons why they are not fond of you, but you can definitely feel the tension and uneasiness when you are around. They may bring up your fiance’s former girlfriend (a lot) in your presence or ignore you at family functions. The good news is that you can try and work through that – you will be around for a lifetime. Hopefully they will be welcoming you with open arms and not folded ones. Some ways to get in your this “person’s” good graces is to always be graceful, appropriate and the bigger person. This is hard but in the long run it can save your marriage.
Maybe his parents take shots at you. You know, little digs, here and there. Which, is not cool, but rise above that nonsense! Never stoop to the level of immaturity that they might. Take the high road if possible. Do nice things for them. Whether it’s take them to lunch, send a hand written note (just because) or to thank them fora gift, gesture, or whatever…they will take notice. And if they don’t, that’s their prerogative and you’ll still be the classy person.
If you feel comfortable enough doing so ask them to meet with you sans your fiancé. Ask them why your relationship is not as close as you would it to be, and if there is anything you can do to win their approval. Sometimes putting them on the spot will immediately solve the situation.Other times they may be obstinate and your fiancé may have to step in to say something. But, first thing is first, show them you aren’t afraid of them, you love their son, and you want to make this work.
It might not be overnight, but family trouble is a common thing in marriages. Most of the time it can be solved with simple communication and understanding. Hopefully, they will come to their senses and love you as much as your significant other does. There is a reason why you two are getting hitched- they should realize that!