Wedding Planning Conflicts – Handling Touchy Subjects

In a dream world, your wedding will be perfect, flawless, and free of conflict or drama. In the real world, issues and confrontation are bound to happen. As much as you love them, your friends and family might be the cause of some of these disputes. Nip conflict in the bud with these helpful tips.

How to deal with…

A friend who is determined to be a bridesmaid: Choosing your maid of honor and bridesmaids is a challenging task, often made more difficult by friends or relatives who have false hopes of being asked. You should never include someone in the bridal party because you feel guilty or bullied into it. If you have a woman in your life with her heart set on being a bridesmaid, kindly explain to her why she didn’t make the cut. Maybe you’ve decided to only include relatives or you want a small bridal party. If it’s possible, find another role for her to fill in the wedding party, like a program attendant, honorary bridesmaid, or scripture reader, so she feels included in the festivities.

An overbearing mom or mother-in-law: The wedding day is a special moment for the parents of the bride and groom so keep that in mind when dealing with your mom and mother-in-law. With that said, if you feel like they’re encroaching on your territory or being way too controlling, have an honest heart-to-heart about your feelings. Be polite, but direct, gracious, but honest. Keep them involved by finding specific tasks where you could really use their help or input.

Parents who want to invite too many guests: It’s easy for the guest list to balloon to epic proportions but it’s imperative that you keep the invitees to a reasonable amount. The easiest way to deal with parents or in-laws who are being pushy or demanding about guests is to be firm. When you start planning your wedding, determine exactly how many guests each family will be allowed to invite (preferably an equal number on both sides) and make them stick to it. If a parent is absolutely unwilling to budge on their invitees, explain the added cost and expense to them for each additional person who attends the wedding. If it’s that important to them, they may want to foot the bill for the extra cost.

Unhelpful bridesmaids: It’s important you remember that your bridesmaids are, first and foremost, your friends. They’re not hired help or indentured servants. With that said, there’s a certain amount of responsibility that comes with the title. If you feel like your bridal party is being unhelpful, uninterested, or uncaring, address the issue. Instead of demanding their assistance, let them know how stressed you are and how much you could really use their help. That alone should be enough to get your friends to rally in your time of need.

Misbehaving flower girls/ring bearers: Having young children in your bridal party adds fun and charm to your wedding festivities, but kids are kids and their behavior can be unexpected. Even the most well-behaving children can resort to tantrums, waterworks, or stage fright when shoved into a fancy outfit and put on display for a crowd of hundreds. You should always keep that in mind before asking a child to be a part of your day. With that said, if you’ve chosen pint-sized attendants, the wedding has arrived, and their behavior is out of control, have a chat with their parents. Find out if there’s an easy way to get the child to cooperate. If not, consider asking a parent or trusted adult to walk the children down the aisle, or skip the procession altogether and simply include them in the pictures. It’s also a great idea to have parents seated up close so that, assuming their children do make it down the aisle, they’re not expected to stand for the duration of the ceremony. Keeping Kids Entertained At Your Wedding

Inappropriate bachelor/ette party plans: One of the many responsibilities of the bridesmaids and groomsmen (and the one they’re probably looking forward to the most) is planning the bachelor and bachelorette parties. These can be as wild and crazy or laid-back and low-key as they prefer, but the important thing is that everyone is on the same page. If you or your husband-to-be are hoping for a calm, classy affair but you’re nervous that your pals have a stripper on speed-dial, the best way to avoid an awkward or upsetting evening is to have an open discussion ahead of time. While it’s not your place to plan your bachelor/ette party by yourself, it’s completely reasonable for you to share your expectations with your friends. While they get to be the ones to plan it, ultimately the party is supposed to be about you, so you should never have to take part in something that makes you feel uncomfortable, unhappy, or overly embarrassed (although some amount of embarrassment is to be expected).